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Sarah Palin resigns as Alaskan governor

Newly elected President Sarah Palin, just weeks after winning the 2012 election, suddenly resigned today just hours after her first offical press conference, citing "harsh questions, especially from Helen Thomas, who I thought had died years ago."

Palin went on to complain about rumors that her other daughter, the one whose name nobody still knows, not Bristol, the other one, was pregnant now that she is 16 going on 17 and in high school, because of her strict abstinence only program, has caused her to "hear another higher calling, like maybe being an abstinence only teacher, or something."

Palin said her biggest regret about giving up the presidency, besides the "out of sight" wardrobe allowance, was never being able to "officially visit Africa, the one country in the world I really wanted to officially visit."
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